Fucked Up Life

I often wonder how fucked up a life can be and when I look at my life I'm sure that there's no limit. I've been withholding a lot of emotions and desires what I believed to be good for me 'couse I know how messy things can get.

But something happened and I lost my balance.

I tried to stay put but I started to stray and with everything so hazy I needed to find solid ground. I needed comfort, to feel safe, guarded. But with everything stirring out of control inside me how could I? Once you lose the grasp on the randomness of that Chaos it's hard to get it back.

I did my best, but I couldn't feel it. I don't know how to feel it, how to accept it. As a matter of fact I believe I never did. A new process that I had forgotten about. Important but how to touch that place inside if, right now, you have no idea of what you might be bringing back???